i love you and I'm sorry i don't come visit often but I'm so hurt by you and i hate the fact your so stubborn and refuse to believe or see what you've done to me , to her and to them is wrong i hate that this is gonna be the first Christmas well have without you , i hate that your getting sick and that i know if anything happen to you i would hate myself for not seeing you and telling you i love you more but i cant stomach being in that place and knowing you could change everything and make everything better if you wanted to , its been four years I'm tired of waiting . i miss you , the real you .